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Stop Giving Your Husband Your “Leftovers” | A Lesson for the Married Mommas!

It was a Thursday evening, back in fall 2020.  I’d just ended a Live Training for  Mommy Stylists, while my husband took over all the evening/ night time duties with our 16 month old.

While putting away my tripod, laptop and equipment… my husband came downstairs hyped because he’d successfully put our little lady to sleep with minimal effort.

Y’all… the brother was READY  to hang out.

But I was tired, and all I wanted to do was wind down and sleep.

You see this particular “Thursday”  was “our day”. Before Dream was born, Thursday was our date day, and once Dream popped up on the scene, we decided it would become family day (unless we had someone to watch her, then of course we could date like old times).

But slowly and ever so surely… Thursday turned into my “work day”. 😬

It started off pretty innocently. 

A quick call early in the morning before our day together started.  Then a “quick” client from 7-10. But over time those “quick” work things started to become my norm, and I was working well into the time that was supposed to be just for us. I kinda noticed but hubby really noticed and was feeling some type of way.

I can’t recall exactly what happened on this day, but I do distinctly remember him saying…

“Why do I get your leftovers?”

He continued…

“You’re always so live and bubbly on Instagram and with your mom group, but how come I don’t get that same energy?”

Can you say “OUCH” 😭😭😭😭😭

Yall… I was hurt, angry and a bit overwhelmed by this truth dart. I tried to say “Babe, that’s because that’s just business, and I have an image to maintain”… but God wasn’t finna let me get away with that excuse!

My husband  was 1,000% right…. and I knew it!

You see sometimes you don’t need to step away and pray for God to  show you what you need to do… sometimes He allows you to see it right then and there and you have to decide what you’re gonna do.

So I turned to him and said “I’m so sorry”. 

I’d been giving my all to so many things that season… my little lady (obvi), my clients, my image… all of it… but my husband… the love of my life… my boo bear… was getting my leftovers! And he felt it.

Although I don’t like that I allowed that to happen… I’m so grateful that:

1.  He felt comfortable telling me how he felt, and was not afraid to question me and my motives (we need that sometimes)

2.  That I was able to receive it and that God was able to work on my heart in the moment

Since then… I’ve made several changes…

1.  I’ve intentionally put my marriage in it’s proper place. My marriage is strong, and it’s even stronger now with the challenges we overcome. I realized that my marriage is to be honored above all else, yes… above my career, serving in church…etc.  If my house isn’ t in order (i.e. my marriage), then what am I really doing. Furthermore, if my hubby tried to give me his leftovers…. LAWD! No Bueno!

2.  I honor the day we set aside for ourselves. I no longer work in any capacity on “our day”. If God called me to do it, then I trust that He will help me to align my life in such a way where I am able to show up in purpose, and honor my commitment to my husband and our spending time together. I’ve had to get really intentional about how I structure my week… oh and my “no” game is stronger than ever!

3.  I schedule “our day” on the calendar. To show how much of a priority our time is together, I put pen to paper and schedule our time together every single week. And now that has transformed into what we call “D-Day” where we sit, discuss what’s working and how we can improve, make decisions for our lives and our family together… and we DATE!!!!

Now please don’t miss the message. There will be times when you need “a moment”. There are times when I truly don’t have “it” to give, and my hubby knows and respects that. He’s also been even more intentional about finding ways to support me when I have “one of those days”. However, if you’re constantly giving all of yourself to everyone else… your family, friends, clients… and your husband is lucky to get an ounce of time/love/affection… then I encourage you to check yourself. 

That should not be the norm, momma.

Check your priorities. Are things in their proper place? Ask God to show you your blind spots. Ask God not only to open your eyes to see, but to open your heart to receive direction and correction.  As wives we have to put pride aside… along with all the narratives that would tell us we’re always right and our husbands should bend to our will…  and courageously do the work to make things right. Let’s stop giving our husbands our leftovers.

Your husband and your marriage are worthy of your first fruits!

Living & Learning!

xx,

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3 Things Keeping you Stuck in Your Relationships | A Message to my singles

This is just for my single ladies! Be sure to comment, like, and SHARE with someone who you know needs this ❤️

Links to blog posts mentioned:

How I met my husband
Single Ladies, You Have a Choice

Get Unstuck Series for Bomb Mommas
The one thing keeping you stuck: https://youtu.be/Q5ZPZ9SjdfI
Let Go of the Mommy Pressure: https://youtu.be/gultND-Vo6U

Let’s connect on IG https://www.instagram.com/reese__dennis/

Be sure to subscribe for more!

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Create the Life that Excites You!

I’m a whole mom and I’m creating a life that excites me…

From how I show up and slay (imma be that snatched mom 💋💁🏾‍♀️)… to the time I spend with my family, my child my spouse…. to the way I create 🤩… even how I have to shift as the seasons of my motherhood journey change (learning from the different circumstances I face🙌🏾😭)… I’m create the life I desire through it all🙌🏾🙌🏾

Periodt.

Idk who needs to be reminded, but Moms can absolutely SLAY and experience amazing, fulfilling, purposefully abundant lives…

and we don’t have to wait until our kids are grown.

Idk about you but I’m doing just that! Creating a life worth bragging about… not bc of me… but to be a living witness of just how dope God is and what He can do in and through me as I surrender to Him and stay in alignment… yes… as a WHOLE mom!

How about you, momma? What are you willing to do to experience the life you desire? Are you courageous enough to say “YES” to you?

“Never doubt God’s mighty power to work in you and accomplish all this. He will achieve infinitely more than your greatest request, your most unbelievable dream, and exceed your wildest imagination! He will outdo them all, for his miraculous power constantly energizes you.” Ephesians‬ ‭3:20‬ ‭TPT‬‬

xx,

 

 

 

 

Love what you’re reading?  Don’t want to miss any other posts or videos? Well, be sure to  COMMENT, SHARE and SUBSCRIBE!  And be sure to connect with me on Instagram @Reese__Dennis♥️♥️

Not for you? Share with a momma in need! 

🔥Click Here to learn more🔥

 

If You’re Feeling Overwhelmed, This is For You!

Nearly 6 months ago… I’d reached my breaking point. I was sobbing on my bathroom floor, after spending nearly 2 hours unsuccessfully trying to put Dream to sleep. That was just the straw that broke the camels back.

I’d been trying to control it all (my housework, my marriage, show up in my business) and nothing was going how I expected…. I was fed up, frustrated, overwhelmed and felt guilty because I didn’t feel like I was being the best mom for Dream!

I didn’t feel like a good mom at all in that moment! It was rough and lonely!

I cried out and said “God, if you don’t help me I’m not gonna make it” 😭😭😭 for REAL! Thank God my hubby was there to take over, and I was able to heed the advice of my amazing sister to go sit in my car and take a deep breath! (thanks @mrstalley23 for that sound advice)

It was 11pm and although I was slightly worried about what people might think, I sat in my dark car and took that deep breath as instructed! The tears started flowing… they wouldn’t stop. I just sat there and  cried staring at my blue front door through my tears! Then I started to speak to God:

“God this cannot be the life You desire for me”.

“why would You call me to struggle”

“Why do I feel so inadequate”!

“Like… what am I missing? Please I need You”!

I’m so grateful for that moment (as unpretty as it was)… bc it led me to surrender, and become so much more active in my journey as a mom (the irony).  You see for a long while I was passively going with the flow, hoping and wishing for better, but not putting any action. behind my faith!

I talked a good talk, expressing the challenges and struggles of my mom journey… but up until this point I’d never actually taken the steps to experience the victory on the other side of struggle and overwhelm. It was familiar. (Crazy how we can sometimes stay stuck bc of familiarity. A whole word for another blog post)

Did God speak to me, not audibly… but I felt Him guiding me through the process of overcoming the overwhelm … it was not an overnight victory… I had to get super intentional about my life, my time; setting  my expectations,  realigning my priorities, and setting boundaries in place to support who I wanted to be as a whole mom and the life I desired for myself!

And I’m so proud of how my life has transformed, using this process!

❤️I’m confident in my abilities as a whole mom. I can now say without hesitation “I’m a great momma, and I deserve the best”

❤️I’ve given myself permission to unapologetically manifest overflow in my life. No more waiting and wishing, I’m claiming and manifesting EVERYTHING I DESIRE!

❤️I’ve created routines and systems that support the work/life  harmony that is my promise as a mom! My life is in alignment, and the areas of my life from being a wife, business owner… even my wardrobe… all work in together and are in agreement!

❤️I’ve overcome mom guilt, overwhelm and burn out, and have strategies in place to help me to remain in a place of victory. God does not want me to sit in overwhelm, I am His daughter and I am more than a conqueror!

❤️ I am now a top priority in my life, and give of myself from a place of overflow. I make time for me, and hold the space to process, grow, learn, shift, release, receive and feel all that is needed on this journey of being. I love myself, and treat myself with the utmost care, love and respect.

 

Although challenging, I’m so grateful for my journey, and the transformation I’ve experienced in my life… because it’s led me to create a whole 5-step process that I can now teach to other moms who are stuck in that same place!

Momma, if you’ve been reading this… nodding in agreement… near tears because you’re so over the struggle… then I invite you to join my for my upcoming training just for mommas who are ready to Overcome the Overwhelm!

On Wednesday, January 13th @ 7pm EST myself along with others bomb mommas like yourself are going to embark on a journey together like never before! Overwhelm is not your promise, and I’m here to guide you to the other side.

Simply click the image above or the link here to register and join us. And if you’re concerned about being able to attend live, a 7-day replay will be available.  I Cannot wait to serve you and show you how to Overcome the Overwhelm!

xx

Reese!

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Feeling “Touched Out” + 3 Ways to Deal With It!

Ladies, how are you all holding up in the midst of the COVID-19 Lockdown? I know some of my moms are quarantined with the baby AND hubby… so this week’s #milennialmomchat is JUST FOR YOU!

This week we’re chatting about what it means to Feel “Touched Out” as a new mom, how it can affect your relationship with your spouse, and 3 practical ways to deal with it!  Intimacy is crazy important, so I’m sharing the real tea of what this looks like and how you can “navigate that space”!

Be Encouraged, and know you are NOT alone!

Be sure to like, comment, SUBSCRIBE and most importantly share with a momma in need!!!

 

Links mentioned:

9 completely Normal Things New Moms Experience: https://youtu.be/E3KCEmpYm8o

What does it mean to feel “touched out”; https://www.romper.com/p/what-does-it-mean-to-feel-touched-out-a-therapist-weighs-in-3196139

Breastfeeding Group for BLACK MOMS (AMAZING): https://www.facebook.com/groups/Blackmomsdobreastfeed/?ref=share

PPD and Anxiety Resources (get the help you need)

* postpartum support international (has info for partners too)

* Postpartumva.org ***specific to VA

* Anxiety and depression association of America

* Talk to your OB or primary care provider... they often have great referrals for therapists local to you or may even have someone on staff for you to speak with.

* Therapy for black girls has a directory of licensed therapists

* Melaninandmentalhealth.com (also has a directory of therapists)