Ladies, how are you all holding up in the midst of the COVID-19 Lockdown? I know some of my moms are quarantined with the baby AND hubby… so this week’s #milennialmomchat is JUST FOR YOU!
This week we’re chatting about what it means to Feel “Touched Out” as a new mom, how it can affect your relationship with your spouse, and 3 practical ways to deal with it! Intimacy is crazy important, so I’m sharing the real tea of what this looks like and how you can “navigate that space”!
Be Encouraged, and know you are NOT alone!
Be sure to like, comment, SUBSCRIBE and most importantly share with a momma in need!!!
Okay sooooo, this past week hubby and I watched the show “Love is Blind” on Netflix!! Did you see it? No? Do yourself a favor and catch it during this COVID19 lockdown. You will not be disappointed.
I saw Vanessa Lachey (she hosted the show with her hubby Nick) and immediately thought of this Christmas movie, A Twist of Christmas. She was some sort of reporter and had an opportunity to interview a best selling author who was the face of “managing it all/you can have it all” for moms! Yes, this man was the “expert” on keeping all things at home in order. Crazy!!! Lol
During this interview, she mentioned how she felt like somewhat of a failure because she hadn’t been able to keep up with all that he spoke about in his book. She felt like her life wasn’t together, especially as a single mom with a career!
Then it happened… the author slipped up and shared his secret to success! He goes “Oh, I have people for all of that…” He has:
🗣 a maid
🗣 a cook
🗣 an assistant…etc
Lawd! A whole lie! This man wrote a whole book as if he were doing it all, when in reality he had people working behind the scenes for him! Y’all, I was feeling some sort of way… yelling at the screen with all my black girl magic! 🗣😂
Okay! I know it’s just a movie, but man oh man, did it give me some serious perspective!
1. Don’t compare to others. (Obvi, but I needed the reminder)
In the movie, Vanessa felt like a failure because she couldn’t keep up with the ideals/lifestyle put forth in that best selling book. But how many of us as women/moms/mommypreneurs feel like failures/”less than” because we feel that we can’t keep up with our counterparts based solely on what we see posted on social media? I know I did at one point! I follow a lot of influencers who are also moms, and Before Dream got here I thought I could manage my life/time/business the same way they did.
Not only was I wrong,but I soon realized as I got into the “thick of it” and actually had to raise Dream, not many spoke of their challenges. Yes, some shared an “it’s challenging” post here and there, but the images seemed so perfect I thought there was no way that they could relate to my situation. For a moment, I felt alone in this mommypreneur space. Not fun. Thank God for my people who swooped in and quickly got me together!
Comparison kills in every area of life! And for me, comparing what I’m able to do in this season with what I see others doing, isn’t wise! God has graced me to live MY LIFE, not theirs. So with that, when I see others going on vacations, or other mommypreneurs who are traveling/speaking/hosting/ living baby free, and showing up in life and business differently than I am… I cannot compare. Their “behind the scenes” isn’t the same as mine and that’s okay! Whether they decide to share what’s happening behind the scenes or not, it’s none of my business. I still celebrate! I truly want us ALL to win, however, I don’t live my life trying to keep up!
“God has called and graced me to live MY LIFE, not theirs”
2. Be REAL and authentic with your platform/message/story
As I’m sharing more of what it’s like for me to be A WHOLE MOM, who is also building her empire… I have to be real!
🗣It’s fun at times, and other times it’s EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING!
🗣I get it right some days, and other days… Lord Help Me😭😂
I’m here to use my journey, my story (Lessons learned and victories), to empower other mommas who are building as well! I love pretty pictures, and I’m pretty good with sprinkling my words with just the right amount of sparkle to keep up appearances. But is that impact as God designed?
The word says “His power is made perfect in my weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9). So when we share our story… those authentic, imperfect parts of us that won’t fit behind an Instagram filter… I truly believe God’s power shows up in a mighty way!
So I’m grateful for this opportunity. I’m living what I share.
I don’t have a maid, a cook, or an assistant, but I do have:
🗣 A voice
🗣 A story
🗣and the passion to help myself and other women in my shoes OWN everything God has for us!
I recently shared a post reflecting on how things have totally changed over the past 365 days (read that here). I went from being a solo-preneur standing smack dab in the middle of purpose… to birthing a mini boss, and instantly becoming a mommypreneur. LAWD! Talk about TRANSITION. So, Today I’m taking it a bit further and sharing 3 ways I’ve been able to find harmony in my life! Whether you’re a mom of 1 or a mom of 5… a new mom or have been a mom for some time… this post is just for you! Especially if you are navigating that space of building an empire! Read with an open heart and Be encouraged!
1. First things first.
I’m not sure how you prioritize your life, but this year I’ve been extremely intentional about mine:
2. Family/home (Dream and Keem)
With my priorities in check, I’m able to better manage how I make business decisions. If a business decisions or commitment doesn’t align with what God has spoken over my life, or pulls me away from my family… it makes it easy to say “not this time”. I think may of us as moms don’t have our priorities straight. We say, “Family first”, but our decisions say the EXACT opposite. The first step to finding and maintaining harmony in your life as a mom on a mission is to keep your commitments in alignment with your priorities and values! Ask:
-What’s most important to you?
-How can you better prioritize your life, keeping first things first?
“Harmony is achieved only after you’ve identified what’s most important and prioritize accordingly”.
2. Pray & plan ahead. Pivot as needed!
There are certain things that I know I want to complete weekly and if I don’t plan for them, like literally write them down in my planner AND on the calendar, I know I will miss it.
Whether it’s setting aside time to write an article, recording a new video series, hit the grocery store, pump (yes I’m still nursing), coordinate visits/play dates, update my website, do the laundry, correspond/meet with clients, ETC… it takes some SERIOUS and Intentional planning. And how I plan lines up with what I’ve prioritized! Yes, there are days when I just go with the flow, because that’s the only way to survive the day (😩😭😂), but I have a general plan for my week, in writing, to keep me on target!
I’m all about FLOW! And no, this isn’t a perfect situation. There have been times where I’ve planned things out to a T, and Dream just wasn’t on board. Take this post for example. I planned and set aside time to write, during Dream’s nap time. However, my teething 8-month old needed her mommy (poor thing)! And so here I am, typing while nursing! Anyone with kids will tell you, no two days are alike. So pray, plan and pivot as needed!
What are your weekly non-negotiables?
How can you plan ahead to account for those moments when your baby/babies aren’t in agreement?
“Planning ahead and taking action is a success strategy. Prayer and staying connected to THE Source is key”!
3. Check in, OFTEN!
Whether it’s communicating with your spouse, or checking in with yourself and reflecting on what is working… check in often! Celebrate your wins (no matter how small), and adjust as needed. For me I seriously had MORE time to work in my business when Dream was a little younger. I could put her in her bouncers/swing for self play and use those moments to get things done. But now… NOW that this little yummy nugget is mobile, and I barely have the time to even respond to an email. Why? Because I have to keep my eyes on her at ALL times 😭😭😭. With that, I had to do three things:
1. Check in with myself to determine what I needed to flourish in this season. I had to reassess my commitments how I plan to keep them.
2. Adjust my daily “routine” while I’m home alone with Dream to be in alignment with my current reality. She is sleeping much less during the day, so my availability and “free time” is no longer the same. I have to adjust accordingly.
3. Communicate with my hubby to figure out our schedules, to see how I could add in some productive/work time while he’s home. I also had to cut bak in other areas
Once I made the shift, harmony was not that far behind. I went from being overwhelmed and frustrated, feeling like I couldn’t get ANYTHING done… to discovering creative ways to pursue purpose! God is bomb like that. As you acknowledge HIM… He directs you’re every move! His is the MASTER CREATOR, and there is no part of your life that He can’t remedy!
-How have things changed for you over the past few months?
-How can you adjust to reignite the harmony in your life?
As things change around you, YOU MUST ADJUST. Check in often, acknowledge the change, seek God for wisdom and PIVOT!
Bonus: GET DRESSED!
I shower and get dressed every day. I have things in my wardrobe that are easy to throw on but are well coordinated to make me feel like somebody! Okay! I cannot stress the importance of showing up for yourself in this way. For me it’s an instant mood boost. Walking around in my robe all day vs. walking around in a jogger set or a cute pullover and some leggings. It makes a difference. Especially when I’m able to sit and work. I’m in a mental space to produce when I’m dressed.
-How can you show up for yourself with what you wear?
-What wardrobe adjustments can you make today?
“What you wear and how you show up for work is important… especially when you work for yourself”