Today is the day!
I’m so excited about our first feature, Shani McKenzie, and she is spilling the TEA! Married for 15 years, check out what she has to say about being a “husband-pleaser“, submission, and waiting on God to send you the “ONE“! Be sure to connect with her on social media: @Rubi412
1. How many years have you been married,
and what has being married for xx years taught you?
We’ll be married 15 years in June! I’ve learned to be a husband-pleaser before a people-pleaser. I’m an extroverted extrovert, so I love being around people and social activities, but my husband is not necessarily like that. So I’ve had to learn balance, and God has blessed me with people who’ve provided wise counsel along the way. I can’t go to everything and please everyone. After God, my husband (and family) is my main priority.
2. You are definitely a “woman of purpose” how have you navigated that space of being a help-mate for your husband, and a woman with a purpose/platform/ministry? What challenges have you had to overcome and how?
Right before we got married, a spiritual mentor of ours told me to remember that God has given me a ministry as well as my husband. He wanted to make sure that I knew it was possible to support and build my husband’s ministry, but also cultivate my individual calling. I’m his biggest cheerleader and he is mine, because we respect our individual ministries and our ministry as a couple. My biggest challenge was realizing that supporting him didn’t mean diminishing me.
3. What word of advice/wisdom do you have for the young wife who is struggling with “submission”?
Prov. 14:1 says “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.”The purpose of your marriage is for the two to become one, building together…one mission, one vision. It doesn’t happen automatically… “becoming” is always a process. I had to realize that submission wasn’t a curse word, and it also wasn’t contingent on what my husband did or didn’t do. There is strength and influence in coming under his authority and trusting him to lead. It does something in him too. It also is one of the best ways to learn humility. I always tell women that we have the easy job in submission, because our husbands are called to love us like Christ loved the church…now who wouldn’t want to submit to that?! 🙂
4. What about the singles who want to be married, and feel like they’ve been waiting FOREVER? What does it truly mean to “wait on God” as a single woman waiting to be found? Is it just a cliche?
If we have a waiting problem, it’s usually because we have a trusting problem. I was always a plan B girl. I knew God’s plan, but I made sure I had another option just in case God took too long. God showed me that I truly didn’t trust Him, partly because I didn’t have a full revelation of who I was. Sometimes we settle for plan b, c, or d because deep down we don’t know what we bring to the table. Never be afraid to be introspective. While you wait on God’s promises, learn how to be your best you. If we don’t take time to let God show us who we are, we can easily lose ourselves in another person.
5. Anything else/advice/wisdom you feel led to share?
Don’t become your spouse’s roommate, or become strangers in your own house. It’s important to have your girls and for him to have his boys, but at the end of the day you should love being with one another more than anyone else in the world. My husband and I just enjoy each other’s company. We built our friendship before we even dated. We don’t just love each other, we LIKE each other.
Whether you’re single, engaged, or already married, read the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It taught me how to love my husband according to how he receives love, and it stretched me out of my comfort zone. If quality time makes him feel loved, but you just keep buying him stuff because you’re a gift-giver, his love tank may be low. Always do a love tank check-up ;).
Yasssss to all of the above! Love what you’re reading! Be sure to comment below and let us know your thoughts! And be sure to connect with me on Instagram, @reese__dennis, for a live follow up discussion! Can’t wait to hear from you!